Women sometimes have problems having an orgasm. When it happens occasionally, it can be frustrating but usually the reason is easily identified–the person was tired or distracted, perhaps. But when a woman or man don’t have orgasms at all, that’s more unusual, and worth investigating.
In sex therapy practice, the most common reason for not having orgasms or anorgasmia is that a woman doesn’t understand the anatomy of her genitals. She may not know where the clitoris is in relationship to the vagina, or that the so-called G-spot is located about 1-1/2″ from the entrance of the vagina.
She almost may not have touched her own genitals, so she does not know what feels good. She then cannot communicate to her partner whether she wants a gentle touch on her clitoris, or perhaps no touch at all. Perhaps she would prefer to have the labia or “lips” surrounding the clitoris and vulva to be stroked–but with a fingertip, or a whole hand?
A woman generally needs to be experienced with her own body and to have linked mind and genitals to understand how to have an orgasm during intercourse. She needs to know how to move against or with her partner, or how to instruct her partner to move during intercourse, to have an orgasm. She also needs to learn how to let go with a partner present, to demonstrate feelings of pleasure without shame or inhibition. She needs to show her partner, and herself, that she truly enjoys sex.
Sex therapists are experts at helping women have orgasms. Sex therapists treat anorgasmia with plenty of education of a woman’s sexual anatomy. They usually will talk to the partner as well, as the partner may not know how to touch a woman’s genitals. Sex therapists also talk about the need for sexual arousal, and how to generate sexual excitement.
Sex therapists also talk about the topics of shame, guilt and embarrassment. Women sometimes grow up in households where sex is never spoken about. They may get the message that “good girls don’t” act as if they want or would enjoy sex. Women who worry about things being just so, like the house being perfectly clean or their children being perfectly well-mannered, are sometimes distracted during sex by their worries. Sex therapists can help them think about things a little differently and to focus on pleasure while it is happening.
Do you or your partner struggle to have an orgasm? Then please visit The Buehler Institute to learn more about how sex therapists can help.