Sex therapists frequently state that sex is about the journey, not the destination. Meaning, foreplay is more important than orgasm, and relationship is more important than foreplay.
Fair enough, but sometimes what someone needs is a good toe-curling orgasm to release tension and get the full benefit of the relaxation afterglow. Here are seven ways to have better orgasms.
1. Know thyself. Know your own body. Explore it and figure out what especially turns you on so you can tell your partner about it.
2. Warm up. Start getting in the mood way before engaging in sex. Fantasize, send a nice little sext, or engage in looking your best. Take a warm bath or shower to get relaxed. Sip a glass of wine. Take a walk together by the water.
3. Kiss. Kissing feels good, and it also sends signals to the brain that cause it to produce sexy hormones. Kissing can also be more intimate than intercourse. Use your tongue to explore each other’s lips, tongue, even the gums.
4. Take your time. Build up to a high peak of arousal by exploring each other’s bodies. Get to know new erogenous zones like the back of the knees, the pulse point on the ankle, or the crook of the neck. Try stroking your partner’s hair or giving them a scalp massage.
5. Add some spice with toys, textures, and temperature. Try toys for her, for him, or for both of you together. Use a feather or a piece of suede across your partner’s body. Try drawing on your partner with an ice cube or using warm lotion or lubricant.
6. Find the best position for orgasm, be it with intercourse, or oral or manual sex. Experiment. Try more than one position during a lovemaking session. Switch up whose on top. See if you can switch without disconnecting!
7. Try eyes open sex. Connect to your partner while you bring each other to orgasm. How hot can you stand it?
Try one, try three, or try all seven and see if they don’t make a difference. Orgasms may not be the only reason to have sex, but they’re still a good reason–and you can have fun trying.