English: two different butt plugs Deutsch: Zwe...

You know what a butt plug is, right?

I don’t think I’ve ever been so bored by sex scenes in my whole life.  I’ve seen hotter sex scenes in “Grey’s Anatomy” than in “50 Shades of Grey.”  Was it just because of the work I do, listening to, talking about, and watching all sorts of materials to better understand human sexuality?  Just to check, I began reading reviews, and nearly all said the same thing.  The sex scenes in “Grey” were described as “tepid,” “tame,” “overly directed,” and even “silly.”

A few thoughts…

  1. Maybe the director underestimated the audience.  Most people have seen better BDSM-type scenes on cable TV than in the movie.  Geoffrey in “Game of Thrones” was a bona fide sadist, his sex scenes were raw and, I think, weirdly erotic.  So if you’re going to bring on the dom, then let him really bring it.  Make us think about the relationships between sex, power, submission, and pain.
  2. Ana is so naive that it’s uncomfortable to watch Christian interact with her.  It’s like watching a spider roll a bug up in silk.  Plus he says he only likes to ***k.  Ladies, raise your hand it you want to have sex with someone who approaches you like that?  Ana just comes across as a supreme dope.  As one reviewer said, “She doesn’t even know what a butt plug is!”
  3. Christian seems more like a sociopath than an adopted child taken from his crack head mum.  He professes to have no feelings.  He states he can have sex in no other way.  His eyes are dead and lifeless.  Any time he claims to have feelings, they are suspect.  Thus, sex with him is a complete one-way street.  He knows how to make Ana climax, but he does it for his own pleasure.  Not much of a turn on.

As I’ve remarked in a previous post about James’ books, what if Christian wasn’t a young, rich white man with remarkable abs?  What if he was old?  Fat?  Poor?  What if Christian and Ana got into a Corolla, gave each other a kiss and a knowing look, and went for an ice cream after sex?  What would we think then?

I say “pass” on the movie.  Save your money and go to an awesome sex toy store instead.  Let your partner know your own deepest fantasy.  Now that will put some color in your sex life!