It’s easy to get caught up in sex addictive behaviors with such easy access to sexual material on the web.   Sex in chat rooms, over webcams, in “sexts,” and massage with “happy endings” can be had with just a few keystrokes, and pornography in all forms is also just a mouse-click away.

For many men—and occasionally, women— online sexual activity, offline sexual antics and excessive porn use can wreck havoc on their intimate relationship.

Their partner suffers, too, feeling the loss of emotional and physical intimacy long before they discover its source. Once they learn that their partner is acting out sexually, they may feel just as angry and betrayed as if their partner had an affair.

If you are caught looking at lots of porn or involved in offline sexual activity, you can try to deny what you’ve done. You can get defensive and minimize your behavior because “everyone else is doing it.”

But your partner doesn’t care what everyone else is doing. She, or he, only cares that something has been lost between you. Your partner is hurt. Your partner is devastated. Your partner is confused.

What about you?   Aren’t you confused, too? You may feel remorseful—a good sign, it means that you have genuine feelings. But you may also feel shame, and shame is what got you where you are in the first place.

You need to figure out how your sexuality got caught up in shame-based behaviors. Behavior doesn’t just come out of nowhere; often the person who gets caught up in acting out sexually comes from an environment where sex was considered naughty or dirty.

Some therapists call the “bad stuff” about sex that follows you “shadow material.” If you don’t look at your shadow, and understand its impact on your behavior then your shadow acts out all the things you want to pretend aren’t there. You, yourself, may be a powerful person who is good at acting as if everything is perfectly fine.  Your shadow behavior tells a different story.

It is possible for you to heal, to understand sexuality in a new healthy way that is good for both you and your partner.

We won’t judge you for what you have done. We’ll help you explore your sexuality in a safe environment where you can be honest, get your values in alignment with your behavior, and capture or recapture your ability to be both emotionally and sexually intimate with your partner.