It’s decided—the two of you want to have a baby. How exciting! In fact, for some couples, “baby-making sex” is the most fun of all because it has a unique meaning. For others, however, when recreational sex becomes procreational sex, all the fun seems to shrivel away. Sex for procreation can become a bore, a chore, and a snore all at once.
This can be especially true for couples who have been instructed to have “timed intercourse,” or intercourse every other day around the time of ovulation. The purpose of timed intercourse is to increase the chance that an egg will be present when the sperm come swimming in.
You’ve undoubtedly seen the jokes about timed intercourse. Typically, the woman holds some sort of thermometer or other instrument up to her eyes, grabs the phone, and screams to her partner, “It’s time!” Somehow, we all understand that sex is expected on demand according to the whims of a woman’s body—and her biological clock.
However, it isn’t funny if you are trying to get pregnant in your thirties, especially if you are over the age of 35. You may have tossed out your birth control and, figuring that you’re healthy, you’d get pregnant quickly. But it hasn’t happened according to plan, and now the stakes seem higher that a natural pregnancy isn’t going to happen.
Now your sex life becomes something different. If you’re a woman, the pressure of trying to get pregnant can make it difficult to become aroused, or to have an orgasm. This, in turn, makes it difficult to look forward to sex.
If you’re a man, timed intercourse raises performance anxiety, or the worry that you’ll be unable to have an erection. The pressure can also lead to problems with delayed ejaculation. Just when you need to produce sperm, your body has other ideas. After what feels like hours of thrusting, you may finally give up—mission unaccomplished.
But there are at least three ways to make baby-making sex fun. Accept the situation you find your self in and try one, or all three, of these ideas.
- Making a baby is fun. Put on some oldies about flying to the moon, tossing and turning all night, and Cupid drawing back his bow. Wear clothing with lots of zips and buttons to make undressing fun. Have a cocktail with a wacky straw. Have jars of bubbles to use as afterplay. Be silly. And then somehow, find your way to seduction and hot sex.
- Making a baby is romantic. Spray the room and sheets with scent. Scatter vases of flowers, whatever you like. Find music that you find romantic—smooth jazz, soft rock, pop songs. Give each other a massage with coconut or almond oil. Take your time. Kiss everything. Enjoy.
- Making a baby is an adventure. Use timed sex to try something new. It could be a new toy, or type of toy. How about a toy for him, like a vibrating ring? Or a vibrator concealed in a rubber duck? What about different lubricant? You might be surprised to find out that you have a preference. Or use the time around ovulation to visit a toy store, in person or online so that you have something to look forward to when baby-making sex is over.
To make baby-making sex fun, you’ll have to use communication. Don’t complain during sex—find time to sit down and have an adult conversation about what’s working, what isn’t, and what you want to try. By putting in a little effort, you might be surprised to see what blossoms while you’re hoping to get pregnant.