Forgot to have sex? It happens to even the best of couples. You’re running here and there, making the folks happy, the boss happy, the friends happy, and most of all, the kids happy. One day you look at your partner and blink. How long has it been since the two of you had sex? A few weeks? A few months? A year?
The truth is, you are not alone. Couples with children under the age of five are the least sexually active. Unfortunately, this leads to another fact: The same couples are also the least happy with their marriage.
What leads to a sexless state? It’s not just being busy. Sex drops to the bottom of the list when you take your parenting role so seriously that you forget to be you, the you that has adult wants and needs. This leads to neglecting other things that can tip the sex scale toward zero, like lack of sleep and exercise, and a poor diet.
Go to bed early. Take a walk. Eat fruits and veggies. Those are the three steps, right?
The three steps are designed to keep things warm between you and your partner. Otherwise, you are left with a “cold engine”—and a cold engine is always harder to start. So here they are.
Step 1: Acknowledge that there is a problem. Couples sometimes are too embarrassed to talk about the fact that they haven’t been having sex. This sometimes leads to tension and fighting. One of you has to be brave and ask that the two of you sit down and talk about the sexless state you find yourselves in.
Step 2: Create a plan to have a sex life. Notice it doesn’t say a great sex life. The aim is to figure out a time in your week when you can agree to be intimate. Maybe it’s early Saturday morning. Or on Sunday afternoon, instead of furniture shopping while the folks have the kids, take some time to be together. Agree that a good snuggle or a few deep kisses will count as intimacy if you are truly out of time or energy.
Step 3: Keep the engine warm. Say sexy little things to each other when you have a moment. Send a text message with love. Buy a little gift—even the supermarket has candles, flowers, and bath products. Hold hands when you’re alone, or with the kids. The point is, don’t let things go cold.
Remember, to be a good parent, you need to be good to yourself. Your sex life isn’t a frill. It’s essentially to relationship satisfaction—and to creating a strong bond. Stop blaming the kids, the schedule, the folks, the boss. Go ahead, take the first step and create an intimate life for you and your partner.